Sometimes seemingly small unimportant things aren't want they seem on reflection. And when that happens, you try so hard to turn back the clock only to realise what's wrong can't be undone.
Today I went on a day out by bus. The bus went through part of the city I seldom go. There were many small independent shops, something we see less and less nowadays. I was admiring how beautiful many of the shop owners had decorated their shop front. It was a busy road, and we were stuck in the traffic. We were stationary next to an art shop, I think it was called the Fig Shop.
A man and two children came out from the Fig Shop. I'm guessing father and kids. The elder child, a girl, was around 8 or 9 and had this aura of a kind, well mannered child. She was wearing an orange jacket, had shoulder length wavy hair and a lovely smile. Almost angelica as if she had been sent to this world to bring joy and happiness to everyone at Christmas. She reminded me of this child in a photo I took 10 years ago. This is one of my favourite photos.
The girl saw our bus stuck in traffic, smiled and waved at us. It was so sweet and infectious. She was like a ray of sunshine glowing on this cold winter morning. I smiled back but I don't know if she saw me. I doubt she did as I wasn't directly in front of her. She continued to wave but based on her reaction, I don't think she got any response from anyone on the bus. Then she and her family walked towards their car, and our bus edged a little forward parallel to them. She was still smiling at us, and again I smiled back. This time she didn't wave. I felt her smile wasn't as radiant as before. Like it had a sense of anticipation and disappointment.
Our bus drove off and that was the last I saw of the little girl. This little episode bothered me a lot during the rest of my journey.
Here was a little girl, reaching out spreading love and kindness to strangers. When was the last time you saw someone do that? Why didn't I wave back? My hands were free, I wasn't even holding my mobile phone at that time. If a little girl can reach out to strangers, why couldn't I do that? This world has become more and more cold and distant. People rarely say hello or smile to strangers. And who is to blame? Not the child who is so innocent and see the beauty in everything and everyone. It's us. The grown ups who are supposed to guide the child through this cold complex world and teach them to make it a better place.
I am so angry with myself for my lack of response to the little girl. I'm so angry that I didn't return a simple gift to her. What if her experience today has changed her outlook in this world? What if she stops spreading her infectious smile and kindness. What if she turns into another apathetic cold stone like so many of us? We have totally failed her. I have totally failed her.
No matter how hard I try, I can't turn back the clock. I can't give her the loving wave that she so deserves to thank her for brightening up my day. I can only pass it on the next child who teaches me how to make this a better and more loving world.
